Weekend Blues

I used to liiiive for weekends...I mean what working person doesn't? It's the time when you can finally relax...stay up late...get all the errands that have been piling up taken care of...did I mention relaxing? I love relaxing. If there were such a thing I would definitely pursue becoming a professional because I am highly qualified. This is not to be mistaken for laziness...I admit, I do have a bit of laziness in me...but what needs to get done gets done. So I'm going to stick with calling it "relaxing". I really just enjoy having no obligations...being able to kick back...chill out...do whatever I want and not worry about getting my work done. Well, I used to anyway. Things have changed over the last few months.

Since James has left, my weeks have gone by decently fast...but it's the weekends that crawl by now. Those two special days when I used to spend every possible second with my man are suddenly empty and seemingly unending. While I am at work I can at least sometimes pretend that things are normal and I can focus on things other than being lonely...but at home...in my apartment...alone...my mind is left to wander...and there is nothing more satisfying when you're alone and missing someone than just letting it take you over...to just feel sorry for yourself...to wallow. I wasn't relaxing anymore. I was wallowing and things were not looking good.

It didn't take me long to realize that I needed to fill my weekends up with things to do...loooots of things to do. Whereas before I would prefer not to make any weekend plans so as to not end up breaking commitments when I would inevitably decide to stay home and veg, I suddenly realized that my sanity was dependent on going, going, going, and doing, doing, doing.

I haven't had a free weekend in a while. The last few months have been filled with trips to Modesto, Monterey, San Diego, and Las Vegas as well as visits from my parents and weekends filled with wedding related meetings. Occasionally I think back to my days of relaxing on the weekends with longing...but the truth is, relaxing alone just isn't the same. Sure it's nice now and then, but I really just prefer to relax with James right by my side. That's when relaxing isn't just for relaxations sake...it's for fun. It's for quality time, which apparently is a love language so it has to be important right?

This past weekend I didn't have any significant plans. Saturday night I forced myself to get off the couch and meet some Navy Wives for dinner and a movie and Sunday I met them again for church and afterwards ran a few errands...but this was the first weekend in a while where I didn't have something to fill up my entire day and to make time fly...it was the first long lonely weekend I've had in a while.

I am going to Modesto on the 29th for my dress fitting (woo!) but this upcoming weekend is another empty one...anyone want to take me in?

Don't let this be me, people: