It's Not My Fault

A few weeks ago we went out for a coworkers birthday. It's office tradition to go out for a meal for every employee's birthday to a restaurant of their choosing. This particular employee always chooses the same Sushi place. Every. Single. Year. I have managed to get out of going the last two years because I detest sushi and most Japanese food makes me feel ill. Japanese food is just not appetizing to me at all and I would never eat it unless I was placed in an awkward social situation where I had to in order to be accepted, such as this employee's birthday lunch. Unfortunately there was no way out this year.

When we get to the restaurant they can't fit us all at one table so I somehow end up at a table with my boss and some other guy who doesn't even work with us but somehow got invited along (I'm not even at a table with the birthday boy? Why am I heeeere??? Curses). Lucky for me it turns out my boss doesn't like sushi either so I didn't feel too ridiculous when I ordered dog food, I mean beef teriyaki. Anyway, the real point of this story has to do with the other random guy at our table. Apparently my meal came with a starter salad. When it arrived at the table I slowly pushed it aside to focus on my lemonade, trying not to draw any attention to myself. That's when the random guy started in on me.

Guy: Aren't you going to eat your salad?
Me: No
Guy: Why not? You ordered it.
Me: It just happened to come with my meal. It does not look appetizing at all.
Guy: What do you mean? It just looks like a normal salad. You should eat it.
Me: The lettuce is white. I only eat dark green lettuce.
Guy: Are you serious? What's wrong with this lettuce?
Me: It has no flavor. I don't like it. You're welcome to have my salad if you'd like.
Guy: I just don't see why you won't eat your salad. It looks fine to me.
Me: I'm not going to eat it because it doesn't look appealing whatsoever and I know I won't like it.
Guy: Hm....*disapproving look*

Whew. Then the guy finally went on to some other boring topic like the best envelope to use for mass mailings (another story for another time). Anyway, this conversation got me so irked!! Who are you random guy, going around judging people for not eating food that they don't want to eat! I'm not 10 years old. If I don't want to eat something, I'm not going to, so leave me alone. Geez.

This type of occurrence hasn't been all that unusual in my life. When I was younger and a picky eater I just assumed I would grow up and eventually start liking all of the gross vegetables and casseroles that all adults seemed to be thrilled with. While I have become a little bit more adventurous as I've gotten older (I eat asparagus now, and occasionally tomatoes) the fact remains that I have not evolved into the typical adult eater like I always thought I would. Sometimes it's embarrassing. Like the other day when we went to some friends' house for a barbeque. We brought steak and salad. They made some sort of potato and green bean concoction. I felt rude not eating it, but I really cannot stand green beans. As an adult, it's typically not acceptable to have foods you simply refuse to eat. But I just can't help it. Bananas are another one. I can't stand to even be near a banana. They infect everything around them with their atrocious odor. I won't even kiss James unless he brushes his teeth after eating one.

So all this time I've been wondering: When am I going to grow up?? When am I going to stop craving frozen burritos and balogna sandwiches for lunch? When am I going to want something other than corndogs and pizza for dinner? And then I got the answer. Never.

It turns out I have a REAL disorder. I know it's real because I read about it on the Yahoo! homepage. I have "Adult Picky Eater Disorder" also known as "Selective Eating Disorder." I've told a few close friends and family members about my disorder and the only response has been laughter. But it's real, people. And I have it. There's even an online support group for it!!

"'People who are picky aren't doing this just to be stubborn,' said eating researcher Nancy Zucker of Duke University, explaining that extremely picky eaters experience food differently than the rest of us."

Did you read that??? I experience food differently than the rest of you. Which is why I won't eat nasty white lettuce. I'm going to have to start carrying this article with me so next time someone judges me for picking every single condiment off of a hamburger, I can prove to them it's not my fault. I have a disorder, people. A little sympathy and concern would be nice.